i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
