I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
