When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
