just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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