We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
