think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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