She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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