do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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