I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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