Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
