i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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