This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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