that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
