I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
