i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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