Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
