I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
