Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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