he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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