sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
