He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
