For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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