My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.