There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.