i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.