i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering