your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.