oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room