lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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