Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's the barista slut.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
