so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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