I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
