I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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