What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
