You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
