Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
