You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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