I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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