that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dick has a subreddit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
