Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
