This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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