i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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