I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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