my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
