I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was like having sex with a tree stump
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
