and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
