That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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