It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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