I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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