I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
