shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
