Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
