why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
