I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
