you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone signed my nipple.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
