Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Bay diarrhea
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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