Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
