I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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