dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
