I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
