I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
