Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We're too hungover to prance.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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