Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
