you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
