Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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