I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
