Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
