all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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