I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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