Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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