yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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