I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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