Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
