please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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