i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
