So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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