u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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