Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i permit you to call me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
