apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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