Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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