I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
