he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
