Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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